


When the War Ends Bury Me with Roses

by victoriousscarf



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:05:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6638776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/victoriousscarf/pseuds/victoriousscarf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you think about what will happen to us after the war?”</p><p>Cody's eyes flickered over, making sure Rex's helmet wasn't actually pointed toward him before turning his own gaze back to the projector in front of him. “No,” he lied. “Is this about that deserter again? It's been a couple of years.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the War Ends Bury Me with Roses

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea really. I was listening to Heart Heart Head by Meg Meyers on the way to work and then ended up writing the start of this on the back of a federal survey.

“Do you think about what will happen to us after the war?”

Cody's eyes flickered over, making sure Rex's helmet wasn't actually pointed toward him before turning his own gaze back to the projector in front of him. “No,” he lied. “Is this about that deserter again? It's been a couple of years.”

“It's just the war... it's starting to feel like it might end someday,” Rex said. “What do people created for war do when it's over?”

Cody tried not to think about the dread he felt. “Who knows?” he said, trying to focus on the navigation chart in front of him, though his eyes were blurring.

“That deserter—he had a wife, kids. I can't imagine having either,” he admitted. “Because—what if our kids got our accelerated aging? We might as well already be thirty. What about lovers? I can't actually imagine doing that to someone.”

Cody hoped he wasn't about to break any delicate equipment by accident. “You sound like you want it though,” he said, mild.

Rex paused and they were not looking at each other. “Yeah,” he said finally. “The idea—but I'm not sure I could bear it.”

“We're clones, Rex,” Cody said when the silence went on too long. “It's not like they're going to make us citizens when it's over.”

“Cody—” Rex said because of course he picked up on what Cody wasn't saying.

“Leave it—”

“Why are you so certain?”

“About what?”

“The fact that you don't think you'll be happy after the war,” Rex said, and he might as well have hit Cody.

“Because the person I'd want to spend my life with isn't a possibility,” Cody said and wanted to take it back.

Rex was staring right at him now and it was obvious even through the helmet. They were technically working they should never even have been having this conversation— “Cody—” he said, voice thick with the knowledge of what Cody had never admitted.

“After the war we'll probably never see each other again,” Cody said. He'd already revealed too much, he might as well twist the knife into his own chest. “It's selfish.”

“You never told me,” and there was some accusation in Rex's voice now.

“What is there to tell?” Cody asked, refusing to face him.

“That you—”

“It doesn't matter,” Cody said. “I still do my job and he still does his and after this war, if it ever really does end—” some days he doubted it would, with the taste of blood in his mouth and the sound of shells echoing in his ears— “Then who knows what will happen to us?”

Sometimes he had nightmares about it, about the Clones being rounded up and his brother's murdered as reward for serving their purpose. When he was awake he could convince himself the Republic would not do such a thing, they were not droids after all. Besides, the Jedi could never allow it.

But sometimes he wasn't sure, when people watched them warily, when the Jedi left them to die in the darkness of space.

“I hope we both live long enough to find out,” Rex said when Cody was silent too long. “Might surprise us all.”

“But will it be a good surprise?” Cody asked and Rex watched him in silence for too long, before he was called away, leaving Cody in silence.

For a while he continued poking at the projector, making notations every once and a while about the coming battle. It was almost enough to distract him from the other dreams he had. The dreams where Obi-Wan looked at him with wrong eyes, eyes that glowed, and smiled like Count Dooku would sometimes. The dreams where Obi-Wan was surrounded by the bodies of senators and clones and he kept smiling at Cody, who's hands were frozen on his blaster.

He always woke up when Obi-Wan reached him, and he felt a flaring pain in his chest as he startled awake.

On those nights he would wander the ship or base until he found Obi-Wan, settling down across from the Jedi who seemed as sleep deprived as he did. When Obi-Wan was on a separate mission he would just wander the ship until it started to come alive again.

But the nights where he could sit next to Obi-Wan—not touching, never touching—were the easier ones. Because Obi-Wan had the same circles under his eyes every night, and a weary smile for his commander and he looked nothing like the vision in Cody's dream.

Cody would watch him, in those hours where everything felt too close and too much, the shadow of terror still at the back of his mind and wonder what it would be like to kiss him. Just one kiss, just once—except it would reveal far too much of himself, and he would never be able to take it back. And he would probably be unable to content himself with just one touch.

But sometimes he almost convinced himself he could, that he could just lean over and press his mouth to Obi-Wan's and figure out what he tasted like, just to _know_ what it would be like.

But he was a clone and this was his general and he would go back to reading his reports and not think about after the war.

Or his dreams.

Once or twice he caught Obi-Wan's tired gaze on him and told himself to not be foolish, for surely the general had something else on his mind.

When Rex came back, a new sheaf of reports in his hands, Cody did not look up at him or say anything. This time Rex did him the favor of remaining silent too.

 


End file.
